“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neal Donald Walsch
When starting something new, we often feel inadequacy or fraud. Researchers call this imposter syndrome. Author Steven Pressfield coined the term ‘resistance,’ which encompasses imposter syndrome plus the friction we face when beginning a task or leaning into discomfort and genuine effort.
Both these terms describe the ego’s hold on our sense of identity or who we believe we are. It is its attempt to keep us safe from unknown and potentially dangerous terrain. But in the foreign, our growth also exists. Here, we are offered a training ground to explore novelty and create. This unexplored territory demands adaptability, particularly character flexibility.
Our dreams and goals are nurtured and sustained by character traits. Some traits will propel us toward our destination whereas others will pose a hindrance. Developing character, therefore, becomes essential on the journey of achieving intentions.
Character is how we interact with the immediate environment, and it often varies depending on the moment and situation. While there is a genetic component to our traits, we believe character is highly adaptable. We call this character flexibility, and it describes the ability to adapt with the flow of varying situations. Our learned behaviors, from friends, family, and culture, are only that – learned behaviors. And what can be learned can be unlearned.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi identified 10 “both/and” characteristics. They include examples like introversion and extroversion, smart and naive, or humble and proud. Notice how these examples sit on opposite ends of a spectrum. Neither is all good or bad, but within each contains advantageous and destructive tendencies. Pride may grant us required confidence for achievement, but without the balance of humility, it can quickly tip the scales toward delusion.
Personality is a spectrum, and while some may be naturally balanced, others may favor one direction. For the one-sided, exploring the opposite end of the spectrum will prove uncomfortable but useful. The balanced individuals should test both ends. This is not an argument to be something we are not. Rather, it is a call to amplify our strengths and recognize our weaknesses. Remember character is how we think and then interact with situations. By acting on strengths and creating greater understanding of weaknesses, we create fluidity to effortlessly flow with the complexity of situations.
We have 3 protocols for developing character flexibility. Two we have already discussed: growth mindset and mindfulness. When we approach life with a growth mindset, we approach it playfully. We ask ourselves “what if” and then we play freely to figure out the rest. In doing so, we unshackle ourselves from limiting beliefs. Character, while it is partly genetic, we believe to be highly malleable. By simply acknowledging the capability of change – possessing a growth mindset – it grants us the opportunity to potentially change.
Meditation helps us peer into the unconscious. The sitcom classic “oh my god I sound like my mother” is a perfect example. Mindfulness exercises make us more adept at noticing these moments which, in return, create space for change. Our character traits are learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. By giving the mind the space between thoughts and actions, we bring the unknown into awareness, facilitating the possibility for change.
When we create the mindset to accept change – growth mindset – and raise our awareness to where we need to change – meditation – we must now actively lean into discomfort. This is the action phase and change will not occur without it. For the introvert, this means going to a social event that is outside our comfort zone. For the disciplined, let’s incorporate unstructured free time to play and participate in activities we normally don’t. Gradually load the system with what it can manage – the introvert can talk with a stranger in public before a massive party – and consistently raise the bar. Maybe we get over a fear or maybe it always stays with us. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the willingness to engage with the unknown, fostering character flexibility. We learn to bend without breaking.
